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Someday, maybe soon, Randy Swiren will be famous. True, he's already 40, but that makes him more determined. He will be an actor. No, a hot actor. Perhaps he will be Hollywood's latest sensation. If you've been nice to him, he'll invite you to his mansion.

In the meantime, he's living in his brother's old room in his parents' house, a split-level in suburban Philadelphia. He moved in three years ago, and he can't afford to move out yet. Sometimes he earns $37.50 a weekend doing local children's theater.

His parents, two retired educators in their 70s, look forward to the day when he moves out. For everybody's sake. "It's got to bother him," says his father, Julian. "We don't mind his being here, but you've got to cut the cord eventually. So we're hoping he finds success."

Randy seconds that emotion: "It's frustrating," he says of his situation. "I need to move out and have my own life," as his two older brothers did, years ago. "My goal is not to be here."

Randy Swiren is a "boomerang kid"—an adult who moved out of his parent's house but later returned. Kids like him have become a phenomenon that's global in scope and surprisingly common. Roughly one in 10 U.S. adults ages 25 to 34 are living with their parents, according to findings by the National Survey of Families and Households, as well as the U.S. Census Bureau. Current numbers could be higher: Dot-com jobs have disappeared, student debt has risen, and the cost of housing is up nearly 40 percent since 1997. And social trends indicate that the pattern will continue. "If I had to gaze into a crystal ball, I'd say it will increase," says Barbara Mitchell, a sociologist at Simon Fraser University in Vancouver, Canada, and the leading researcher of boomerang kids. "It's not the 1950s anymore."

A decade of surveys by Mitchell and her colleagues reveals this portrait of boomerangers: Most are in their 20s, although some are in their 30s or 40s. Sons are nearly twice as likely as daughters to return home (one possible reason is that grown daughters are often expected to do more housework if they move back). Boomerangers are largely single and trying to save money. The length of stay, for the vast majority, is six months to two years.

But those numbers cannot prepare you for the particular impact on your life should your grown child show up on your doorstep. In the best of scenarios, a cheerful child asks to move in for three months while she saves enough for a down payment on a home. In the worst case, your doorbell rings late one night, and there's your son with a raging drug problem.

Your life situation is a key factor in predicting how you'll react. If a boomerang kid comes home when you're ready to retire, you may resent having to put your own transition on hold while your child goes through his. If you're well beyond retirement, you may wonder: Weren't they supposed to be supporting me by now? If a child seeks financial help, you obviously have to figure out if you can afford it, but you must also be prepared for jealousy and resentment from your other grown children if you do help her.

There's a lot that can go wrong. And even though most boomerang situations don't end in disaster, a homecoming is almost never ideal. The right approach—and some prudent actions—can help prevent friction.

Rules to Live By

1. Have a sit-down. "Get out in the open what everybody's expectations are," says Frances Goldscheider, a professor of sociology at Brown University. Talk about your "house rules" (no drugs, no parties, for example). Ask whether the child expects to be a big part of the family again (as in sitting down to have dinner with you, and other rituals) or whether he plans to go his own way. Decide what you can live with and what is unacceptable (for example, her raiding the pantry but never buying groceries). You'll have to initiate this discussion, by the way.

2. Remember he's no longer in diapers. If you truly want your child to become a self-sufficient adult, treat him as such—not as an incompetent kid. If he mows the lawn, washes your car, or makes dinner, can you refrain from criticizing him as if he were 12? If she goes out for the evening, can you stop yourself from asking, "What time will you be home?" If you're reluctant to respect her independence, ask yourself why. "Some parents don't want to lose that sense of control," Goldscheider says. "If you ask kids to do something, they're going to have to do it their way, God forbid."

3. Make him pay rent. If he can't afford it, ask him to contribute to the household by cooking, food shopping, or doing some other major task. If your kid doesn't have any responsibilities, he's still in the role of a dependent child.

4. Keep tabs. The boomerang kid needs to show you consistent progress toward the goal of independence. "I'm very big on asking young adults to come up with a plan," says Mary Bold, a professor of family studies at Texas Woman's University. "If they come up with it, they're more likely to fulfill it." If they're struggling to get debt-free or save for a house, Bold thinks they should e-mail you a monthly financial progress report—yes, even if they're sitting in the next room. "It's an ongoing record," Bold says, and if the kids balk you can explain that it keeps you from becoming the "money police" and grilling them about every package they bring in the door.

5. Get Mom's okay. Interestingly, Mitchell's studies have discovered that most boomerangers have close relationships with their mothers—and this is a criterion for smooth cohabitation. Dad's relationship is a factor, but Mom has to be happy about this move, says Mitchell, or it simply won't work.

6. Don't ignore the obvious. If the child has a drug problem, deal with it right away. Any kindness you offer—and that means the bed in his old room—should be conditional upon his enrollment in a treatment program. Otherwise, you are, to use a well-worn phrase, "enabling." If the worst happens and you need to turn your child away or toss him out, get help. A local counseling agency or family center can advise you.

7. Mark the calendar. Make sure the child understands that her return is temporary. Agree on a date when you'll be helping her load a moving van. And be wary of saying "the door is always open." Few kids keep boomeranging, but those who do find less and less of a welcome each time, says Mitchell. "Multiple returners cause a strain," he notes. If you suspect your child may fall back into the nest, you can dissuade him—kindly—by saying, "I know we'd both be disappointed if that were to happen."

Fortunately, most boomerang situations are surprisingly positive. "There's a lot of reciprocity," says Mitchell. "The parents often get a lot out of it, too. They enjoy helping the child out, as long as it's temporary."

Indeed, sometimes parents get much more than they give. When Randy Swiren's father had a heart attack shortly after Randy moved in, Randy helped provide round-the-clock care during the recovery. "He was indispensable," says his mother, Corky. "I could never have managed without him."

Laurence Roy Stains has written for The Washington Post, The New York Times, and many national magazines.