Results from Our Singles Survey

Photo by Burke/Triolo Productions/Getty Images

November-December 2003

To get a clearer look at the good, bad, and decidedly odd aspects of singledom, we commissioned a survey of 3,501 singles, ages 40 through 69, from across the U.S. Our guarantee: You’ll never look at unhitched folks quite the same

Who We Are

56 percent of all singles are currently separated or divorced from a spouse
31 percent have never been married
70 percent of formerly married singles in their 50s have been single for five years or more

The nearly one of three singles who are dating one person exclusively…

Play sports more often than singles with more than one partner
Are the most optimistic (71 percent believe life will be better in five years)
Masturbate the most (21 percent masturbate at least once a week, compared to only 14 percent of singles who don't date)

Daters in their 40s are most likely to…

Have a high level of stress
Say other people's excess baggage is a big dating annoyance
Have partners of the same sex, if they're women (5 percent vs. 2 percent in the 50s, and 2 percent in the 60s)
Have sex more than any other group (26 percent of fortysomethings have sex at least once a week)

Those in their 50s are most likely to…

Rate sexual compatibility as a critical factor in choosing a partner
Use an Internet dating website and chat rooms

Those in their 60s are most likely to…

Be happier than other singles
Be reluctant to get married
Have partners of the same sex, if they're men (10 percent vs. 8 percent in the 40s and 5 percent in the 50s)

What We Love

53 percent of those in our survey say having "more personal freedom" is the best perk of being single
38 percent say it's having their house and things just the way they want them to be
28 percent love not having to answer to another person

What We Hate

41 percent say not having someone to do things with is the worst drawback of single life
24 percent cite not having enough cash as the biggest downside
21 percent hate worrying about being alone in the future

The top three dating complaints of single men in their 50s:

Dating partners who have a lot of "baggage" (42 percent)
Women who "become difficult to get along with" after the first few dates (28 percent)
Women who want to get too serious too fast (18 percent)

The top three complaints of women:

That baggage thing (35 percent)
Not having a clue where to meet men, and meeting too few new men (23 percent)
Overeager guys who want to get real serious real fast (21 percent)

43 percent of singles have not had a date in the last year

Why We Date

49 percent of singles say "having someone to talk to or do things with" is the most important reason for dating
18 percent say having fun is most important to them
9 percent want to find a partner to live with—but not to marry
8 percent want a marriage mate

Where We Meet

41 percent of singles say they meet most prospective dates through friends, neighbors, or relatives; one in five finds the workplace to be a fruitful place to meet potential partners

22 percent of single men in their 50s say they have success striking up conversations with women in malls and supermarkets, but only 10 percent of women think this is a good strategy for meeting people

Who We Want

34 percent of women ages 40-69 are dating a younger man
14 percent of women ages 50-59 say they prefer to date men in their 40s or younger

The top three qualities both male and female singles want in a new partner:

Pleasing personality/sense of humor (67 percent)
Common interests and activities (49 percent)
Oops, the sexes disagree on the third quality: Women look for similiar moral or religious values (39 percent), while guys want a woman who's great looking (40 percent)

Percentages of fiftysomethings who say they would date someone who…
Is unemployed

Men 55 percent
Women 13 percent

Is married

Men 9 percent
Women 3 percent

Has less education than they do

Men 73 percent
Women 48 percent

Has paid for sex

Men 15 percent
Women 7 percent

Has been paid to perform sex

Men 10 percent
Women 2 percent

Has less money than they do

Men 71 percent
Women 33 percent

Has a criminal record

Men 14 percent
Women 5 percent

Men in their 50s who are dating wish their partner would…

Have more money (22 percent)
Be more faithful (16 percent)
Make more time for sex (16 percent)
Quit smoking (15 percent)

While women want their men to…

Have more money (27 percent)
Be more faithful (24 percent)
Make more time to date (12 percent)
Quit drinking (12 percent)

Where's the Love?

39 percent of men and 61 percent of women in their 50s had not made love once in the last six months
Fortysomethings barely had more; 46 percent of each gender also didn't have sex in the last six months
33 percent of men and 17 percent of women in their 50s have sex once a week or more

Of all singles who are dating (or trying to date), in the last six months…

58 percent had at least the pleasure of kissing or hugging someone romantically
30 percent had oral sex
40 percent had intercourse
32 percent said they were satisfied with their sex lives

28 percent of singles in their 50s believe it's cheating if you're dating two people at the same time
48 percent of men and 18 percent of women in their 50s have had two sexual relationships simultaneously

Is sex acceptable on the first date?
21 percent of men in their 40s and 50s say yes, but only 2 percent of women agree

Research Directors: Linda Fisher, Xenia Montenegro
Contributors: Sonya Gross, Sarah Mahoney, Tracy Needham

The complete "Midlife Singles" survey results are available in AARP.org's Research Center.

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