Photo by Gabrielle Revere
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Sex in America
By Susan Jacoby, July & August 2005
Our landmark study about sexuality reveals a revolution in the making—and some surprising changes in attitudes and expectations
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In 1964, 18-year-old Sara Martin (not her real name) visited three
gynecologists in the small Illinois town where she was attending college before
she found one who would prescribe the newly available birth control pill to
her, an unmarried woman. "That little pill changed the sex lives of a
whole generation," says Sara. "It certainly changed mine."
Fully 40 years later, another pill is recharging her sex life. Thanks to
Viagra, she and her husband of two decades are able to enjoy a passionate
physical relationship in spite of a chronic medical condition that made it
difficult for him to function sexually. "The pill changed my thinking when
I was young by making me feel I had a right to enjoy sex without the fear of
pregnancy," says Sara, now a public relations consultant in Chicago.
"The medication my husband is taking now means that age and illness
don't have to mean the end of sex. This is not about pill popping, it's
about our expectation that sex should always be a joyous and important part of
life."
The Baby Boom generation famously came of age in a time when sexual mores
were changing radically. And now, according to an AARP study of the sexual
attitudes and practices of Americans 45 and older, the Boomers are creating a
second sexual revolution—one that will change forever the way people
think about sex and aging. It's a revolution in spirit and attitude about
sexuality in midlife, and at its core is the assumption that health- and
age-related physical problems should be treated and overcome rather than
accepted as part of growing older.
Six years ago, this magazine commissioned the first nationwide sex study to
focus on Americans from midlife to old age—a group largely ignored in
previous sex research, from the famed Kinsey reports of the 1940s and '50s
to the work of Masters and Johnson in the late 1960s and the '70s. The
newest AARP study conducted in 2004 surveyed a nationally representative group
of 1,682 adults ages 45 and older to measure attitudes and other factors
affecting their sexuality and quality of life. This second landmark study
represents the very frank viewpoints and revelations of three quarters of the
78 million Baby Boomers—men and women ages 45 to 59—as well as
individuals in their 60s, 70s, 80s, and beyond.
Online Guide to Relationships
This article is just one part of AARP The Magazine’s online guide to relationships. Delve into this special section for compelling articles, message boards, video clips, and our very own Modern Love column.
So what's changed in the last six years? Quite a bit, actually. For one
thing, the proportion of men who've tried potency-enhancing medicines,
hormones, or other treatments has doubled since 1999. Not that surprising,
considering the number of prescriptions and other remedies on the market for
erectile dysfunction. What is surprising: the increased pleasure the men's
use of these treatments is giving their female partners, no matter what their
age—a finding that challenges the widely held belief that older women
aren't all that welcoming of their partner's newfound ardor. Another
headline: despite Baby Boomers' famous open-mindedness, they disapprove of
extramarital affairs in roughly the same proportion as do members of the older
generation, and they also agree with their own parents that today's popular
culture puts too much emphasis on sex.
Still, much of the spirit of the "free love" generation's
youthful attitude remains. Boomers feel strongly that sex is for every age, not
just the young. And a large majority of both men and women in their 40s and 50s
see no reason that sex should not be enjoyed by singles, the divorced, and
widows and widowers. By contrast, half the women 70 and older, and 37 percent
of the men in that age group, disapprove of sex outside of marriage.
The Little Pill That Could
When AARP conducted its first sex study in 1999, Viagra had been on the
market less than a year, so it's not surprising that only 5 percent of men
had taken it. Since then, with the availability of not only Viagra but two more
recently approved drugs, Cialis and Levitra, as well as other aids for erectile
dysfunction, the number of men who've tried treatments to enhance their
potency has doubled—from 10 percent to 22 percent. And the majority (68
percent) of those men said the treatments have increased their sexual
satisfaction.
Men and women who are healthy and physically active report
being more satisfied with their sex lives.
That's no surprise to Alfred Pariser, 65, a management consultant in
Rancho Mirage, California, who began taking Viagra after undergoing prostate
cancer surgery nine years ago. In fact, Pariser was among the first group of
1,500 men to take the drug in a clinical trial. "Why wouldn't you want
to try these drugs?" asks Pariser. "Why should people be embarrassed
to talk about it? One of the biggest myths is that men are taking these
medications only to have sex with younger women. I love and desire my wife,
Cheryl. And I certainly wasn't ready to stop having sex in my
50s."
Pariser also scoffs at the idea that sex isn't romantic if it has to be
preceded by popping a pill. "What definitely isn't romantic is not
being able to experience sexual intimacy ever, which is where I'd be if
this had happened to me 20 years ago."
But the real news is the pleasure these mighty little pills and other aids
give the female partners of the men who take them. Women in all age groups
reported that their own sexual satisfaction was enhanced by their partners'
use of the drugs. Not only that, some reported that the various medications
also increased the frequency of sex.
Jennifer Berman, M.D., a leading researcher and director of female urology
and female sexual medicine at the Rodeo Drive Women's Health Center in
Beverly Hills, says the idea that "older women are just happy to be done
with sex" is based on cultural stereotypes that equate women's sexual
desire—and desirability—with a youthful body. "Certainly I see
women of all ages who've lost desire," says Berman. "The reasons
are complicated. But for every woman who says to me, 'My husband wants sex
and I'm not interested,' there's a woman who says, 'I want sex
and my husband isn't interested.' This woman can be 30 or she can be
70."
The one thing that most of these potency-enhancing drugs can't do is
create desire. That could be one reason that 42 percent of the men who tried
them in the past stopped using them. About half who quit said the treatments
just didn't work. Michael Kimmel, Ph.D., a sociology professor at the State
University of New York at Stony Brook and editor of the journal Men and
Masculinities, points out another reason the drugs like Viagra, Cialis, and
Levitra don't work for every man: they have no impact on emotional problems
that may be affecting sexual functioning. "These drugs act only on the
body, not on the mind and heart," he says.
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