Illustration by Ismael Roldan
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Choice Lessons
By Tony Shalhoub as told to Erik Sherman, May & June 2004
The man who plays TV’s obsessive-compulsive Monk reveals the secrets of decision-making
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Monk isn't me. But there's a little of me in Monk. He has this
horrible weakness, an inability to make choices without calculating every
possible outcome. If you've seen the USA Network show, you also know that
this need to obsess over the details is also his strength. But Monk is
fictitious, and most of us could use a better approach to solving problems than
worrying them to death. I know I could. If Monk were a real person, I'd sit
him down and tell him a thing or two.
To begin with, there are no wrong decisions. Some people have this idea that
in life there is door number one and door number two, and behind door number
one is a Cadillac and behind door number two is a pile of manure. Not true. If
you hesitate, guess where the manure is? Up to your knees. Here's an
example: I was young. I had just finished doing a Broadway play, The Heidi
Chronicles, and was offered a part in another one, Lost in Yonkers.
I turned it down, thinking this was the time for me to go to Los Angeles.
When I got there, it was disastrous. I sat in L.A. for months without work.
And the play I had turned down became a huge success, winning a Tony award for
Kevin Spacey. In my role! I felt terrible for making the wrong choice.
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Turns out, it wasn't the wrong choice, but it took me a long time to
realize it. It was in L.A. that I discovered the love of my life, Brooke Adams,
who's now my wife. I first met Brooke in New York when she costarred with
me in The Heidi Chronicles. But I knew her only in relation to work. She
was from L.A. and returned after the play closed. If I had stayed in New York,
I might never have seen her again.
So, after I finished feeling sorry for myself about missing that Broadway
opportunity, I was able to stop obsessing about my career. Plain and simple, my
life became more balanced, my health improved, and, not being tense all the
time, I was able to do better in auditions. Soon I got my first TV role. Then,
in two years, I started getting movie roles and was in Wings, my first
TV series. But it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't realized that I
needed perspective.
Even a clearly wrong decision can steer you in the right direction. In my
early 30s, there was a woman I had been with for a long time. There was always
that question of whether we would actually tie the knot, but something kept
holding me back. Finally, I proposed anyway—I thought that the right feelings
would follow. They didn't. As it happened, not long after we were engaged,
the relationship fell apart. But we couldn't have gotten to that point
unless that first step was taken.
I still have trouble making decisions, but, with experience, it's a
little bit easier now. When I'm at a crossroads, I tell myself whichever
path I choose and whatever happens, I'll figure out a way to make things
work. I don't think Monk is ever going to learn that lesson. If he did, he
wouldn't be as interesting a character. Just a happier person.
Erik Sherman writes about personalities, business, technology, travel,
and more.
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