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Speak Easy
By Jean-Noel Bassior, May-June 2003
How to serve up an impromptu toast.
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You're minding your own business at a wedding, bar mitzvah, or retirement party, when suddenly someone thrusts a microphone at you and demands some meaningful words. Don't panic. Do this:
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Clear your head. "I excuse myself and say I need to use the men's room or make a phone call right away," says Cuomo. "You need a few minutes to collect your thoughts."
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Lower the bar. Right at the outset, reduce the level of expectation by announcing that you wish you'd had more time to prepare. Start with: "You [the bride and groom] deserve a really thoughtful comment from me. This is what comes quickly to mind—and not just from my mind, but from my heart as well. Here's how I feel..." Adds Cuomo, "Of course, if you wanted to be truly sincere, you'd probably say, 'The clown who called upon me without notice deserves a good kick in the rump!' "
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Don't recycle. "I do not approve of any canned pellet that you keep stored somewhere on the left side of your brain for emergency use," says Cuomo. "It's very difficult to make that kind of all-purpose story work. You're better off being halting, a little clumsy, a little less than elegant—but utterly sincere and appropriate to the occasion."
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