Photo by Edward Biamonte
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Happily Ever Laughter
By Yakov Smirnoff, November & December 2008
Getting over the remarriage jitters
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Q: I’m a 58-year-old woman who has been divorced for ten years. My ex-husband remarried shortly after we split up, and my children have always encouraged me to find a new partner for myself. Since then, I have been fortunate enough to have had two marriage proposals from wonderful men, but I’ve never quite made it to the altar. I love the idea of being married again, so why do I always get cold feet?—Frostbitten
A: The easy answer: For cold feet, try wool socks.
Seriously, it would be easy to say you may have a crippling fear of failure. But here’s a different perspective: instead of failure, perhaps you fear success. Let me explain. A lot of people simply do not feel deserving of having a good thing. So they subconsciously sabotage great opportunities. For example, many people who win multimillion-dollar lotteries end up losing that fortune in just a couple of years. They might invest their money in a collection of rare 1980 Ford Pintos, complete with fire extinguishers, or premium swampland in Arizona. I would suggest they subliminally do not believe they deserve to be wealthy.
Joke
Adam and Eve had the most perfect marriage in history: Eve never talked about her old boyfriends, and Adam never bragged about his mother's cooking
Or, you might be rejecting change, without even knowing it, to ensure that you live the life you are accustomed to. Some things about being single are hard to give up: cold pizza for breakfast, walking around in a bathrobe with curlers in your hair, and, on Saturday night, watching Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing for the 50th time.
Ask yourself, do you feel deserving of a healthy, joyful marriage full of love and laughter to a supportive, wonderful man? A heartfelt “I do” here could lead to an everlasting “I do” at the altar. Why not invite a couple of friends over and have everyone make a list of ten positive qualities—such as kindness, flexibility, or thoughtfulness—that make each of you uniquely you. Soon you’ll see the valuable contributions you can make to another person.
Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”
At least one of those wonderful men who proposed to you may still be waiting with a ring. With that new conviction of yours, perhaps you can offer one of them your warm hand…instead of your cold feet.
Comedian Yakov Smirnoff, who performs at his own theater in Branson, Missouri, has a master’s degree in applied positive psychology and teaches at Missouri State University. Visit his website at www.yakov.com.
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