Photo by Edward Biamonte
|
Happily Ever Laughter
By Yakov Smirnoff, May & June 2009
A change of focus
|
Q: I turned 50 last year, and ever since then I've been terrified that the best part of my life is behind me. It's true that I have a wonderful wife, I enjoy my job as a teacher, and I'm set financially for retirement, but I keep obsessing about the inevitable day when I'll have no job responsibilities. My children are growing up and don't need me as a provider so much anymore. I feel as if my life is shrinking. How do I find my passion again?—Soul-searching
A: Let's see: You have a wonderful wife and children, financial security for retirement, and you get AARP discounts. All you need is a piña colada and you are in paradise, dude.
Why is it we insist on finding things to fret about? Long before we actually retire, a lot of us worry about lost careers. I think it's partly because we tend to see our lives as a kind of game. When you are working and raising children, certain rules of the game help you track your progress. If you get a raise, you know you've scored. If your kids are healthy and well behaved, your score gets higher. If you forget your wife's birthday, well, let's just say that you don't score for a while. The desire to win makes life stimulating.
Joke
Grandpa: "I used to skate out on the pond. I made a tire swing, and swam in the creek, and rode horses."
Granddaughter: "Wow—I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
You are approaching a time in life when you can not only choose the games you wish to play but also write your own rules and be a winner every time. You'll finally have the time and the freedom to experiment and play, with hobbies and new occupations that interest you. What do you really love to do—I mean, besides your job? What energizes and excites you? Even though you still have quite a few working years left, it's not too early to get a jump-start on working toward making yourself a winner.
Want to continue teaching? You could volunteer at a Boys & Girls Club or teach a class at your local house of worship. If you have professional skills you'd like to share, why not become an instructor at a community college?
If you have a hobby, find a way to get more serious about it. For example, if snapping pictures is your thing, you could take a class in photography and set a goal to create a family photo album as Christmas presents for each of your children. Who knows—you could become a paparazzo for a popular tabloid (please, aim for my good side!).
I think you've already acknowledged your real, deep-down fear: that as you get older you won't be needed as much by those you love. But reread that letter you wrote: your wonderful wife and your children just might be anxiously awaiting the day when you can spend less time with your career and more time with them.
Comedian Yakov Smirnoff, who performs at his own theater in Branson, Missouri, has a master’s degree in applied positive psychology and teaches at Missouri State University. Visit his website at www.yakov.com.
|
