Photo by Edward Biamonte
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Happily Ever Laughter
By Yakov Smirnoff, May & June 2008
What to do about a know-it-all husband
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Q: My husband has always been obsessed with being right, even on topics he knows nothing about. This need seems to have intensified as he has grown older. Is this typical of most men, and how do I handle it? —Mystified
A: Dear Mystified,
Consider yourself lucky. You didn’t just marry Mr. Right; you married Mr. Always Right!
It is difficult for us men to say we are wrrrrooooo-wroooon…well, only partially accurate. Let me tell you a secret about men: in general, we do not really think we are right about everything. In reality, we are terrified of being wrong about anything. In fact, a lot of us feel that we are inadequate, and our most crucial mission in life is to cover that up—especially from the women whose respect we most desire.
Why do you think it is so hard for men to ask for directions? Our basic training started early—actually, right back during conception. Think about it: millions of those male things swimming toward that egg, and only one makes it. And why? Because no one wants to stop and ask for directions.
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Scientists have proven that, genetically, modern man still has the same primal brain programming we had when we were hunters. It was the man’s responsibility to protect his family and provide food for them. And there were no McDonald’s drive-throughs at that time. Therefore, every decision carried life-or-death consequences. One misstep could mean disaster, not only for that hunter, but also for his wife and children. Obviously, men don’t face quite so many dire decisions these days, but to our brains, there’s very little difference between knowing what size tire to buy and whether there’s a saber-toothed tiger behind that rock.
So I encourage you to be understanding of your husband’s pattern, even though I imagine his behavior can be frustrating to you. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is to let him be right.
On the other hand, I do have a question for Mr. Always Right: do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? Choosing to be happy will lead to a more intimate connection with your wife. Insisting on being right all the time could lead to a more intimate connection with the couch every night.
It is wise to remember that we were created with two ears and only one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak. And, yes, I am certain this advice is right.
Yakov Smirnoff, known to millions for his TV, film, and stage appearances, earned his master’s degree in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. He conducts “Love and Laughter” seminars nationwide and at his theater in Branson, Missouri. Visit his website at www.yakov.com.
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