Photo by Edward Biamonte
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Happily Ever Laughter
By Yakov Smirnoff, March & April 2008
How to reconnect with your kids in the Internet age
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Q: We used to love spending time with our kids. Now that they have become teenagers, they would rather spend time on the Internet than with us. We miss that special relationship. —Suffering Net Loss
A: Let me give you the good news and the bad news: the good news is that they are growing up. The bad news is that they are growing up. Watching your children become adults can be difficult—but this degree of separation from the adults in their lives is actually a healthy process for teenagers. If they don’t separate from us, they’ll still be living at home at 40, asking for spare change to get a Slurpee.
But you can make even those rare personal encounters wonderful if you use them to celebrate your children’s coming of age. For example, your kids’ superior knowledge of the baffling world of technology—like that same computer that mystifies you—gives you an opportunity to invite them to be the experts and teach you something new. You can then shower them with admiration and respect. They’ll feel so good that they’ll come back for more—and as a bonus, from then on when someone says, “I saw your blog on MySpace,” you won’t instinctively check your zipper.
P.S. But it won’t hurt to keep some extra change for a Slurpee.
Q: I am happily married to a wonderful woman who means the world to me. When I see another attractive woman, however, I feel compelled to look at her. I do not mean to disrespect my wife, but I can’t seem to control this urge. —Trying Not to Look
A: The simple answer to your question would be this: if you are on a diet, there is nothing wrong with looking at the menu—so long as you’re not drooling on it. Your inclination to look at other women is a result of genetic programming. At one time it was necessary for human males to mate with as many females as possible to ensure survival of the species. An apocryphal story has it that while President Calvin Coolidge and his wife were touring a farm, the farmer told Mrs. Coolidge that a rooster can mate up to 30 times a day. “Tell that to Mr. Coolidge,” said the first lady, with a smile.
“Does the rooster always mate with the same hen?” the president asked. “Oh, no,” said the farmer. “He mates with a different hen every time.” The president smirked and exclaimed, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge!”
My point is this: you are a human being, not a rooster, and you are no longer a slave to your genes...or your jeans. Don’t waste your energy on survival of the species. Instead, focus on the survival of your marriage. Now that you understand where this inclination originated, you can choose the behavior that shows your wife the truth: that you have eyes only for her.
Q: My wife of 24 years died a year and a half ago, and her wish was that I remarry. How long should I wait before dating again? —Waiting and Wondering
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A: After being married for so long, you might find it a challenge to meet people. You might go to singles bars, but as their name implies, you’ll most likely come out single. This is a very personal matter, and your decision. You can listen to advice from your family, but ultimately the answer will come from your heart, and only you can know what it’s saying. After all, that’s how you found your beloved wife in the first place.
Yakov Smirnoff, known to millions for his TV, film, and stage appearances, earned his master’s degree in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. He conducts “Love and Laughter” seminars nationwide and at his theater in Branson, Missouri.
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