Photo by Edward Biamonte
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Happily Ever Laughter
By Yakov Smirnoff, July & August 2007
A father's attempt at fairness backfires
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Q: My 85-year-old dad wants me, my brother, and my sister to put stickers on the items we want to have after he dies (he's in great health). Well, my brother and I live a thousand miles away, and my sister, who's right in Dad's neighborhood, was over there faster than you could say "Antiques Roadshow." We'll be lucky to get the change under Dad's cushions. How can I keep his stab at fairness from severing our family ties?—Stuck With Seconds, Fort Worth, Texas
A: Well, here's one solution: move some unwanted things from your garage into Dad's house. Put your sister's stickers on that stuff, and let her haul it away for you.
I see you're not laughing. Okay, try this. Whenever we deal with other people, we need to understand our role in the relationship. For example, as a comedian my role is to make my audience feel good, and the audience's role is to reward me with their applause and laughter (assuming I've earned it). Our roles are opposite, but one could not exist without the other. You and your sister also play roles in each other's lives, and if you are both aware of the give-and-take that's part of that relationship, you'll both feel better.
You might say something like this to her: "I understand you may feel frightened of losing Dad, and that having his possessions around might be a source of comfort." See? You're being sensitive to her feelings. Now, invite her to try and understand how you feel: "Would you mind if I kept a few items that have great sentimental value to me?"
Once your sister feels cared about, she may well respond with gratitude, respect, and perhaps some heirlooms. And if she still chooses not to remove any stickers—not even from the after-shave you gave Dad for his birthday—remember the best things in life are not things at all. Save your stickers for life's real treasures—such as family, love, and laughter.
Q: I'm seeing a wonderful older man. Can you tell me, are 70-year-old men interested in sex?—Curious, San Antonio, Texas
A: According to studies, most men desire to have an active sex life and can even procreate, regardless of their age.
Heck, I know lots of guys in their 70s who are interested in sex almost every day. Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday…
Q: I love visiting our daughter and grandchildren at their small house hundreds of miles away. But we seldom get to, because my husband hates hotels. How do I get him to change his attitude?—Ready to Pack, Branson, Missouri
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A: As couples go through life, it's not unusual for one spouse to become so deeply rooted at home it would take a tree surgeon to dig that person out. You might encourage your husband to buy or rent a motor home.
That way you can spend part of the time in your daughter's driveway, and your husband can still feel in control of his surroundings (and enjoy his home-cooked meat loaf). Other benefits of a motor home: the chance for adventure—and you can rekindle your romance. Think how much fun it will be to "go parking" again, only now the back seat is much larger!
Yakov Smirnoff, known to millions for his TV, film, and stage appearances, earned his master's degree
in applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. He conducts "Love and Laughter" seminars nationwide and at his theater in Branson, Missouri.
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