Cartoons: Roz Chast
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Taking Care of Our Parents
By Helen Rogan-With reports by Michelle Andrews, Maggie Pouncey, Sheryl Gay Stolberg, Karen Houppert, and Dimitra Kessenides
They're getting older, and they need us. Here are 115 tips for guiding them into a healthy, financially stable and dignified old age—without losing your sanity.
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LIFE DOESN'T PREPARE YOU FOR THIS RESPONSIBILITY. As a result, everyone embarking on the role of caregiver for the first time ends up longing for some kind of road map. Up until now, there hasn't been one. But here's the basic information you'll need to get started.
The good news is that for most people, there's time to get it right. If you're lucky, your parents are healthy and solvent—so this is the perfect moment to start talking and listening. Find out what's important to them, what "independence" means to them as they age, what shape their finances and legal affairs are in, how good their health care is, how they want to live out their days.
Don't forget—there's a significant difference between helping your parents and becoming their parent. "Your job isn't to control your parents' lives, but to allow them to maintain as much control as possible," says Virginia Morris, author of the indispensable book How to Care for Aging Parents. "There's a lot of frustration that your parents are not going to do what you think is best, but you have to step back and remember they have the right to make decisions, and even mistakes."
Taking on the caregiver role will not just enrich your time with your parents and siblings, it may also make you less anxious about the future. So try to relax. There's a wealth of support, resources and networks out there to help you, and you'll discover how to tap into them right here.
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