Courtesy Plume
|
Web-Exclusive Book Review
The Elder Wisdom Circle Guide for a Meaningful Life: Seniors Across America Offer Advice to the Next Generation
by Doug Meckelson and Diane Haithman (Plume)
Review by Janet Kinosian, February 2008
|
Exclusive Offer for AARP Members
Click here to get your promo code for discounts on Borders.com. 10% off list price paperbacks, 35% off list price AARP titles, and, for a limited time, 10% off list price hardcover books.
What a terrific idea in the Internet age: a group of older, wise folks who answer letters via the Internet from young advice seekers. It’s called the Elder Wisdom Circle, and hundreds of older Americans now dole out such advice via its popular website, ElderWisdomCircle.org. They are, in effect, “cyber-grandparents” to a generation bereft of close elderly ties and straight-talk answers.
All the wisdom offerings are compiled in a tidy book, The Elder Wisdom Circle Guide for a Meaningful Life: Seniors Across America Offer Advice to the Next Generation, by Doug Meckelson, the group’s founder, and Diane Haithman, a Los Angeles Times staff writer. The elders have collectively answered over 100,000 letters, so that’s a fair bit of free advice.
Don’t worry, though, they’re not all included here, just a smattering sample. The book is a quick and breezy read, sectioned into such categories as “Raising a Happy Child,” “Discovering Your Self,” and “Finding Lasting Love”—pragmatic topics that bewilder generation after generation.
While the book is in need of good editing, the questions and answers are delightful, and it’s refreshing to see the no-nonsense advice of those 65 and older. Basically, the answers fall into two main categories: 1) don’t take yourself and your life so seriously, and 2) accept yourself from the inside out and everything outside will work itself out.
Oh, and to have a long-lasting and happy marriage, happy, well-adjusted children, and life-long enriching friendships with your siblings and others, you’ll need foremost to consider the other person and stop thinking so much about yourself.
Here’s just a sampling of the letters and answers excerpted courtesy of Plume Books:
HINDSIGHT IS 20/20
Question: “If you could go back to your early twenties and make only three changes what would they be? Why?”
Answer: Elder Seeley, 65
“I would make certain I visited my parents and grandparents at least once a year in spite of the fact they lived 1,200 miles away and my income wasn’t exactly that of a robber baron.”
“I would have taken a five-year leave of absence after the birth of my daughter instead of just a six-week maternity leave; that way I would not have missed her first word, her first step, and her first real hug—her arms were around her caretaker’s neck.”
“I would not have purchased all those ‘things’ in an attempt to ‘keep up with the Joneses’; instead I would have socked that money away and invested it for the future.”
Answer: Elder Sylvia, 74
“I would try very hard to love and respect myself, to believe in myself and have compassion for myself, because only then could I truly love, respect, believe in, and have compassion for others.”
“I wouldn’t be afraid to aim high, work hard, and take chances.”
“And I wouldn’t be afraid to love, to give love with all my heart and being—not because I felt I wasn’t whole or needed someone to complete me, but for the joy of sharing. It all starts with learning to love and accept ourselves.”
SPOUSE’S SECRET BANK ACCOUNT
Question: “I recently discovered that my spouse of thirty years has a secret bank account with over $15,000 in it. It was opened three years ago and I do not know where the money came from. All our funds are kept in joint accounts and all our income is commingled. Should I confront her about this? I am very disappointed and hurt.”
Answer: Elder Jangela, 66
AARP: Lifestyle Information for People 50 and Over
The entertaining and informative content on AARPmagazine.org is just one of the many benefits of AARP membership—only $12.50 a year. Join or renew online today!
“…You should just ask her about it. If you have a good marriage and have very open communication with each other, then there is most likely a reasonable, sensible explanation and you shouldn’t be hurt…. Did you find out by accident or were you going through her things? If the latter, then she will raise the trust issue with you, too. Assuming you have a good marriage, then there is a very reasonable explanation.”
Answer: Elder Web, 64
I would think how you found out about the account is important. Were you invading her privacy or did you find out about it by accident? The answer to this question would determine the approach you might take with her. You know the state of your relationship and marriage, and if you think it is strong, my suggestion is to keep quiet. However, if there is a lack of trust, you might want to approach her.”
SMELL THE ROSES
Question: “I love my family, my friends, and my job. Yet, I am one of those fast-moving, nervous-energy people who never can rest for more than five minutes. Sometimes I say or do things on impulse that hurt others. How can I teach myself to slow down, to smile, more? I want to be the guy who can take an insult with a smile, keep cool in a bad situation, etc. Any help is appreciated.”
Answer: The Hevensviewsages
“If you allow it, the pace of our Western culture will run you into the ground. Buy this, do that, feel this. Advertisers in all media want to create a feeling of panic so you won’t miss this chance to buy, do, or see what they are selling…. Understand yourself and you naturally will come into your own rhythm, not one dictated to you by society. You can survive and thrive without half the things our culture says you have to have to be happy.”
Answer: Asbury Friends
“As far as the impulse to make remarks that hurt others: Just count to ten before speaking. If that doesn’t do it, make it twenty.”
Janet Kinosian, a Los Angeles-based journalist, writes for The Los Angeles Times, Reader's Digest, and dozens of other publications.
Read more Web-exclusive book reviews
|
